'C' Day

(Repost from my blog)

It's been awhile, hasn't it? There's been a lot going on. Too much to go into right now. Big things, smaller things, just lots of things. That discussion is one best saved for another time. There are more important things happening today.

On Christmas Eve my Aunt Judy (my father's sister) told me my paternal grandmother has cancer. This is her fourth. She's had cervical cancer, melanoma and a tumor in her inner ear. There was a growth in the side of her nose. My aunt took Grandma in and had it removed. It was malignant. Since the removal, it's been spreading inside her nose. The side of her face has begun to hurt and her hearing has been affected. Today she got her second appointment. I have no idea what they do during this one, but I assume it's when they find out how far along the cancer is.

My grandmother is also an insulin-dependent diabetic. What this means is in the event that they have to give her radiation or chemotherapy (either of which is highly likely), she will have to be very closely monitored in a hospital setting to ensure her blood sugar doesn't drop, among other things. Cancer treatments make patients very ill, so she would need IV's for glucose and hydration.

But we haven't gotten that far. We're still at that stage in which the rose-colored glasses are still covering our eyes and we can pretend that everything will end up just fine.

I'm not cynical, I'm just tired and angry and frustrated and hurt. I'm praying, but it's a selfish sort of childish and begging prayer. What I really want is a time machine. I'm tired of the merry-go-round of shit that's been happening these past few years. I'm angry that I missed it all, that my younger brothers and older sisters grew up never knowing me. I'm frustrated that I had to live with so much abuse and fear with a mother who despised me, when my father truly wanted me and would have given me a better life. I'm hurt that I am being given so little time. I already missed the important parts! What the hell is so wrong with giving me a little damned time?

In my mind I'm four years old, sitting under the picture of Jesus in the dining room and crying that I want to go home.

Merry and Bright

Wishing you all the very best life has for you. Be good to you fellow sisters. S

Kudos to the Yay-Yays

Thank you one and all! My Virtual Community assignment was great! I got an A- on it and terrific comments from the instructor. So thank you! Thank you for being a great group, for prayers and advice whenever I've asked, and just for being around. Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings, Happy New Year, whatever wishes or blessings you seek, I hope they are bestowed upon you! May you always keep dreaming, gaining insight, have all that you need, and a desire for inspiration.

At GSPTC be home soon

Just a note to say I have been in a training academy for the last three weeks. I have one week left! The hard week. We will be doing defensive tactic's. Woohoo. Anyway. Just a brief update to let cha all know where I am. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all!

Poland or Bust!

Hello Sister-Friends! I need some help, anyone care to dish out their $0.02?

I'm part of a Sister-City organization between Seattle and Gdynia (Poland). I joined this group in an attempt to get to know my Polish roots a bit better. I was able to travel to Gdynia in September, and, to be honest, didn't have the best time in the world.

I've been offered a chance to go again. This time on the City of Seattle's dime. The city of Gdynia is hosting events to celebrate their 80th anniversary of city-hood, and the mayor of Seattle was going to travel...but he can't make it, so we then started to turn to Officers in my Polish group -- and I was nominated.

Why me?!?!?!

Logistics of the decision beside, I now have until 5pm (PST) today to accept or deny the offer. And, I need some help making up my mind!

PROS:
**Great opportunity! It's all-expense paid, it's a quasi-diplomatic trip, and it could (potentially) look great on a grad-school resume if I need any sort of extra pizazz.
**How often will I take a cross-continental trip on someone else's dime?
**Will I look back in 5 years and regret not going?

CONS:
**I'm terrified because I don't know the language.
**I doubt that I can be 'professional' enough to meet / wine / dine politicians from Gdynia.
**I hate chit-chat. Now add chit-chat with a language barrier and it sucks even more.
**I can't even go to the bathroom alone at a bar, what makes me think I can brave Poland all alone?
**Ha, as pathetic as this one is...I'll miss my girlfriend!

Soooooo, do I say no because I'm scared? Or, do I take a chance on myself and get out of my comfort zone?

Insight and opinions are VERY much welcomed. Thanks!

What's Going On??

I must say we've been in a sorry state lately. Is it the holiday's or what?

Kat..how's the new job.
How are our impending births, divorces, loves, hates?

How is holiday preparation going?

Any funny stories? Anyone need any prayers? Something you need to get off your chests?

Me: It's snowing today, it looks pretty. I bet the drive home is going to be a bitch. We don't do snow well here in St Louis.

My mother-in-law is starting to crack due to the upcoming holidays. I'm sure it's a control thing. My first wedding anniversary is Sunday, we're going to see Neil Diamond!

Work is crazy nuts. Jeremy has the flu (hubby). He has almost all our Christmas shopping done, I avoid that.

Here is a lovely pic of how St. Louis deals w/ the first snow!